my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
