I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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