shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize