I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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