i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize