Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
