just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
