Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
