i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
