My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
