YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize