hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
