is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
