i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
