That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize