I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
