apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
