im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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