Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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