She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
