It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
