I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
