my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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