he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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