Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
