you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
