therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
