I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize