I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
