omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
