Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
