You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
