Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize