hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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