He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
