I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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