I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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