my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
