Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
