I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
