hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
