We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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