Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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