His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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