thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
