His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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