Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
