About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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