I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize