ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
