Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
