When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
