I hate your face
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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