I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
