ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so much tequila, so little girl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
