the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
