I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
