My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
