how can u be prego again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
