Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
