ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
