I haven't been this sober since birth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Even my vagina gasped.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
