Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
