Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize