I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
