I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
