Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
