Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
